she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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