Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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