I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
