I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
