Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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