He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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