Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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