i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
