Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
