the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
