oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
