I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
