My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
