Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
