She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I did not marry a roomba.
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