she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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