Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
