I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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