you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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