How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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