That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
