I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
