Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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