You made me cry and you don't even care
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
