I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
