then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
