Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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