please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You made out with two different species that night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
