Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
