hotel room ftw
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
