yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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