Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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