Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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