We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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