GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want a musical about memes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
