Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your cock deserves a montage
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
