this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
