You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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