dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize