dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my liver is dry heaving
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
