good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
