i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so let's talk penis.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
