the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
