Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
