He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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