Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
