Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
