I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love you. Go after that dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
