What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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