Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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