Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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