I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
