His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
