I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
