I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
