I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My balls are so social today.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
