I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
