i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
MIDGETS
????
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
