I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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