Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
