I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
