i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
