Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We left the knife in your bed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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