I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
