I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
