he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
being pregnant is like rehab
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
