The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
