He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
and she was petting her beer can
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
