I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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