i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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