I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
