Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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