you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
