Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
