I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
