its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
