If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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