Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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