the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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