he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
