The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
