Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
