Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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