I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
